Well, it's January 1, 2016...and millions of people woke up today with the resolution to lose weight. Some for the right reasons--to be healthy, to live longer, some for not so right ones--to get a man/woman, to make someone love them, for other people.  I am one of those people today, yet again. I want to lose weight. I want to be healthier. I want to find someone to love me. I don't know if that's right or wrong, but it is what it is...the truth.

Getting smaller for me will mean being honest. Looking at why I do what I do. Examining some behaviors. I may not like the things I find when I explore under the hood...but I'm going to do it anyway. And I'm going to win this battle, a little bit every day, one day at a time.

I got really serious about it today.  My journey, I mean. I made a real effort, I planned, I executed, I did it.  One day down, a life-time to go.

I have to do this everyday.  I'm not one of those people who can have one little taste, a cheat day.  I have addiction issues. But I made it through today and that's a great start!

A New Beginning

I love this picture.  I just don't believe it.  I wish I did. I know I'm supposed to. But I don't. 

 My whole life, I feel like I've been focused on my weight. And that's a shame. I'm smart and funny and a great dancer (OK, maybe great is exaggerating, but you get the point). I used to believe I was heavy because my mother and grandmothers were heavy.  It was in my genes, ran in the family, etc.  I was kidding myself. 

 I am heavy because I eat too much and move too little. 

There it is in black red and white.  It's no one else's fault. It's been my decision, my choice all along.  

And I have chosen the wrong things consistently.  But that's all about to change. I'm making some new habits, changing my way of thinking.  I'm not a victim anymore. It's no one else's fault. It's not my family, my ex-husband, my kids, my cousins--it's MY TURN. I'm taking care of me. I have to believe I'm worth saving. And that's what I'll be working on, day by day right here.  

I am heavy but I can change that. I deserve to be healthy and fit. 

I am heavy but I am not a bad person. 

I am heavy and I am beautiful.